Success Analysis

The following is a transcript from interviewing my mom and dad for the success analysis assignment. My mom and dad have been married for 29 years. They are best friends, and still have the best time just being and spending time with one another. It is apparent once you read the transcript of how much fun they have with one another. They are consistently laughing and joking with one another.

How do you deal with differences of opinion?

(Both laughing)

Mom: We talk it out.

Dad: Yeah, basically.

Mom: We just don’t fuss.

What kinds of issues have you found come up continually?

Mom: It used to be money.

Dad: Oh yes, money used to be a big issue. Years ago.

Me: How about now?

Mom: Not a lot now.

Me: How did you guys deal with it? Or handle it?

Dad: It was tough.

Mom: Yeah

Dad: I mean, we got through it, but it was tough.

Mom: There wasn’t much we could do about it but live day by day… and trust each other. But that was it.

What are the strengths of your marriage?

Mom: I think communication.

Dad: Yeah, I think so too.

Mom: We talk a lot.

Dad: Well, your mom more so than me…

(Both laugh)

Dad: I mean, it’s just me and her now, so we have to talk to each other (laughing)

Mom: (laughing) Yeah

Me: How about anything else, any other strengths worth mentioning?

Mom: Well, God has always been in our relationships. Regardless of how close we are with Him at the moment, He has been with us in our relationship.

Dad: Yeah, I completely agree.

What types of activities do you engage in during your free time together?

Mom: Eating (laughing)

Dad: (laughing) Yeah, we eat out together about every night. It’s just me and her most of the time.

Do you (have you) participate in individual activities or hobbies (that do not include your spouse) on a regular basis?

Dad: Never

Dad and Mom: (laughing)

Dad: Yeah, I play golf.

Mom: I love to clean and decorate and hang out with my girlfriends.

Me: And Dad, I know you like to go on fishing trips and stuff.

Dad: Yeah, I do. And you guys go with me sometimes.

Mom: and sometimes when he goes out of town, I come up and see you.

Me: That’s right.

Do you take vacations together?

Mom: Oh yeah

Dad: (Nodding)

Me: You guys just went on a beach trip together, just the two of you.

Dad: Yeah that was the first time we’ve went somewhere, just the two of us.

Mom: Since we had kids.

Me: How was that?

Dad: It was fun.

Mom: Yeah, it was fun. Relaxing.

Dad: Yeah we didn’t have any plans, we just went with the flow.

How do you express love for one another on a daily basis?

Mom: Yeah, I don’t…

Dad: I usually give you a hug everyday when I leave for work.

Mom: Yeah, we use touch a lot to show our love. We constantly talk to one another and talk about our days. You know… a little tap here, a little tap there (laughs)

Dad: (laughing)

What sources of social support have you had (family? Church? Friends?)?

Mom: All of the above.

Dad: (nodding) Yeah.

Mom: We have a lot of good friends. And family. Both sides.

What factors have strengthened your marriage?

Mom: Being able to talk, I think. And doing everything as a family, with our children. I mean, we always did everything together as a family.

How do you share your spiritual life?

Dad: Just going to church together I guess.

Mom: Yeah, yeah.

What do you wish you had known then that you know now?

Mom: Ooh..

Dad: We should have bought a house as soon as we got married.

Mom: Yeah, instead of waiting thirteen years.

Dad: It probably would’ve been paid for by now.

Mom: Yeah, things like that.

What was (or were) the most important factor(s) in strengthening your marriage.

Mom: Trust. Love.

Dad: Having kids.

Mom: Yes. Oh yes, yes. We both love our kids and couldn’t wait to have them. Once we had them…

Dad: It was great.

This was such a fun assignment for me to do. My parents are so much fun to be around, and interviewing them about their marriage was not only entertaining, but it was also encouraging. My parents most definitely represent a consummate love discussed in Sternberg’s theories of love. Not only because they have been married for more than 25 years; they have been married for more than 25 years, and still love and respect one another and are each other’s best friends. For me, the most surprising yet encouraging thing I heard in their answers was when they said having kids was one of the most important factors in strengthening their marriage. Not because I thought my brother and I were such burdens, or even that my parents act like we were burdens for their marriage—I feel like my brother and I were fortunate in that we didn’t really go through the typical teenage years of rebelling against our parents, and we’re both very close with our parents. It was surprising to me because of the studies that have been brought up that many married couples that have kids decreases their marital satisfaction. I guess it was more encouraging than surprising that my parents viewed this as strength. Overall, I loved this assignment and had the best time interviewing my parent’s on the success of their marriage.

Reflecting on the Skills Lab

I am so glad my counseling sessions are over and done with! Do not get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my experience (more so than what I thought I would) and I know it is something I needed to do in order to gain experience, but I am glad it is complete. My couple, Chandler and Monica Bing (names are changed in order to maintain confidentiality) were positively wonderful, and I feel very blessed that I was able to work with them.

Before meeting them, I was very nervous about working with a couple. I have very limited experience working with adults (all of my experience comes from school), even fewer experience working with men, and no experience working with a couple. Yes we practiced in class, but it is very different working with your peers and them making up problems and issues to work with than it is working with a legitimate couple with legitimate problems. Thankfully, Chandler and Monica were very willing to work and enjoyed the activities we worked on together.

Counseling Chandler and Monica was very different than working with my classmates. For me, I liked it much better. Yes it was much more serious and in ways much more difficult; in other ways, it was much easier because I was actually working with a real couple, and when we talked about their communication and their problems it wasn't a fake couple trying to grasp at straws for things to talk about. It was a real couple with real problems, and we were able to go deeper and find different resolutions to their issues. I found it very difficult in class when working with the fake couples that it was often hard to work on issues when there was not depth to their relationship or the issues. However, I am very grateful for the work in class because I was able to get in the practice I needed in order to be prepared for working with Chandler and Monica.

Overall, this experience was very positive. I was actually really surprised at how much I enjoyed working with a premarital couple. I am not sure if it is something I would like to do solely; however, it is something I would like to do part-time in the future. This experience will for sure help me in the future when I am working with premarital couples, and I plan on using many of the techniques I have used with my pseudo clients and have learned in class.

Introducing... Me!

Hi dolls, I am Stephanie Lawson. I am 24 years of age and am passionate about helping others, crafting, traveling, my faith, photography, my friends and family, music, food, and my sweet dog Millie (not necessarily in that order). I am originally from a small town in North Carolina and moved here to Lynchburg a few years ago for school. Unfortunately I was not in class last week ( I had a meeting at work that I could not get out of), so I was unable to meet all of you and choose a symbol I feel describes me. Thinking on it now, I think this symbol describes me pretty well. Above is the Chinese symbol for dream. I have always been one those people who has "her head in the clouds". I have all of these dreams for the future: dreams of marrying and starting a family, dreams of traveling to places near and far, dreams of being a counselor and helping others, dreams of living in Europe and New York City just so I can experience new cultures, dreams of skydiving, dreams of becoming a published author, dreams of making a difference in this world for Christ. Some things seem right within my reach, while others may never happen. Regardless of how possible or impossible my dreams are, they're still my dreams. My friends often tell me I'm the "eternal optimist" because I'm always trying to see the positive in all things, and I think this eternal optimism is part of the reason why I'm such a dreamer. My dream for this class is that I will learn how to help prepare couples who are entering into the most sacred human bond two people can make on this earth. This is not a required class for me, but I'm taking it because I really want to learn how counsel premarital couples. I look forward to learning in this class and meeting all of you!

P.S. Just to clarify, in the picture above I am the bridesmaid holding the shoe. I'm sure you all could figure this out on your own, but I had just fallen. Hence, why I am holding my shoe and everyone is laughing in this photo. I considered finding a symbol that represented clumsiness (because I'm super clumsy), but decided to go with the whole dream thing since it sounds better.